I literally studied manifestation long enough that I could’ve had a masters degree on the subject, yet my life still wasn’t changing.
I knew what was possible, and I believed I could have it, but I was tired of trying so hard and not getting anywhere.
Over 3 years of manic manifesting, and losing my ass so bad I had to move back home with my parents at the age of 30, I felt like a total manifestation failure.
The thing that sucked the most was hearing story after story of people following the same goddamned processes I was and they were manifesting all the things!
I could teach this shit in my sleep I knew it so well, I could finish the sentences of people who taught it….but where were my results?
I hated feeling like shit all the time. I was miserable over the struggle and I just wanted things to change. I needed them to! I knew what was possible and I wasn’t going to give up!
I reached a point where I was so fucking fed up with feeling bad, I was so tired of things not working for me, I just gave up.
I decided that I just wanted to feel good. And I was completely surrendered to how that looked like for me.
I let go of my need for anything to look different before I allowed myself to feel good.
I did all the processes and exercises for the sake of feeling good (instead of trying to make shit happen).
I stopped judging my life and what hadn’t shown up yet and started going within and changing WHO I WAS BEING.
I started to generate the feelings that I desired to feel DESPITE WHAT WAS PHYSICALLY MANIFESTED YET. (and again, it was because I authentically wanted to feel those feelings. NOT because I wanted to make shit happen!)
I began to stop trying to control my outer world, and started controlling the only thing I ever had control over in the first place (my inner world: my responses to life, my perspective, and where I allowed my attention)
The first thing that happened is that I started to feel better.
I remember one day I called a friend feeling completely blissed out, telling her I finally get it! I seriously have everything I need to be happy and satisfied! Nothing needs to change. It’s all good!
I knew in that moment that this place of surrender was my place of power. I knew that everything I desired was available for me. I had complete faith that life was unfolding exactly as it was supposed to and all the things that I desired were a done deal to the Universe.
The reason why things had never worked out for me before was because I was trying to do it all by myself.
And I was putting so much meaning in the manifestation of my desires!
I wouldn’t allow myself to be happy until I got what I wanted.
I wouldn’t just hand things over to God, I had to control them myself.
Of course things weren’t working out for me!
If I stayed attached to the outer things, I would always be reaching for more.
And my soul was ready for expansion. Not limitation.
Not getting what I thought I wanted was exactly what I needed to catapult me into soul-evolution where I BECAME the person who already had it all.
And that is when the world started shifting before my eyes.
When I let go and BECAME my next level ME.
