Flow. This flow I keep asking for more of. How did I do without it before I knew? It feels so good, so right.
So clear.
I want to blog about it. I want everyone to be able to experience this. This feeling, this clarity, this connection….it’s available to you, to me, to everyone, always! I now realize that it has always been calling me. Pouring out the unlimited energy of all that flow brings. Like peace. Love. Acceptance. Abundance. Magnificence. Yes, magnificence is a thing. It’s a feeling. Yet none of these words come close to the experience of just being there.
Flow is a feeling that must be experienced in the present moment. As soon as you jump out of NOW into a past thought or future worry, it is gone. Well, not gone. But unavailable. I guess it’s more that you stop tuning into the power of the Universe.
Sometimes I resist this flow. Not purposely, not intently, but I do. My ego tries (and successfully I might add) to convince me that this flow is child’s play. It’s fine when there’s nothing important to do, but when the big job comes along, please God, turn it over to me. I’ve got it from here.
I resist this flow because I naively forget that I have such a limited view of my life. I can only see what’s right in front of me. I’m limited to what my 5 senses tell me is going on. When I’m in control, there is plenty to fear. The world can be a scary place and my dreams feel so fragile and maybe even impossible. What if I fail? What if I try and I put myself out there and I actually believe in myself for once and people see me and I’m not good enough?
For fucks sake, I better not even try! So many people try and fail and it’s risky and competitive and so many others are doing it waaaaaay better than me. Hmmmm….I’ll just do something else that feels a little safer. Something that doesn’t leave me vulnerable.
My mind gets totally carried away like that. And then I stop. I remember that I have deep, deep desires that tug at my heart and scream to be heard. I feel disconnected and sad being safe. No, being safe most definitely can’t be where I am supposed to be. Otherwise I wouldn’t keep looking back at how much time I’ve let go and stayed safe with regret. I’d be happy about it.
I begin to pray. God, please reconnect me with you. Remind me of who I really am. Who I am when I am completely in flow. Remind me of what life is like when You are looking through my eyes. Remind me of how free I feel. Give me a taste of that creativity and clarity and carefreeness that only You can provide.
I make the choice in that moment that I’m going to release my way of thinking for a higher way of knowing. I surrender my fears and accept that this vast Universe knows everything, sees everything, knows MY desires, knows how to provide for me my every desire, and actually wants to see me live in that place of unlimited abundance.
I can see now that the fear started because I don’t want to feel vulnerable. Giving my biggest passions away leaves me so open and unarmored. I could get hurt. There’s that fear again.
I am reminded, as I tap back into that flow, I am so loved, so taken care of. If only I would let go more often I could catch a glimpse of what God has in store for me. There is nothing to fear. Along with the desire comes all the resources I need in order to see it through.
I want you to see this too. I wish I could plant the feeling inside of you so that you really know what I mean. But the only way to really “get it” is to experience it for yourself. My words, no matter how many I type here, no matter how I say it, they cannot even come close to how it feels.
You want it to. Have you been there? Are you there often? I think we have gotten lost so that we feel the sweetness of being found. It makes the struggle worth it. But the struggle is still unnecessary.
Interesting thought. The struggle makes the liberation of connection so amazing. So it’s worth it. So could we be grateful for the struggle? Can we be grateful IN the struggle, as we experience the fear?
It must be all good, right? When we dip into the illusion of struggle, we know that the return to love will be such a release. And then the moments, however long, that we are “there”…in that amazing warmth of perfection, of course we can celebrate that as well.
Life really is sweet, isn’t it?
